Big Apple Chapel is a New Testament based church in New York City, modeled after the pattern of the early church, with a strong emphasis on following Christ as a community of His disciples.

  • Sunday - 10:30 am
  • 520 8th Ave, 16th floor
    New York, NY
  • phone: +1 (973) 837-1041


BAC Sermons

Wink to Wedding Timeline

2013-03-17 Psalm 84:11



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{Leave...Cleave...One Flesh}

First figure out the timeline functions, then the appropriate forms of Biblically expressing the functions.
Purpose: Mirror God's self-sacrificial, other centered love for eternal objectives in all potential and actualized relationships

I. Commitment to Christlikeness 

Ps 84:10 a day in Your courts is better...than dwell in the tents of wickedness. 11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold From those who walk uprightly
1Pt 1:15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."


A. Don't awaken love until the appropriate time (Song of Solomon 3:5).   See  Contentment: Lord of the Ringless  on Truthbase.net
       Purity and Spousability. See Happily Ever After: Searching for Sleeping Beauty; Waiting for Prince Charming


B. Don't train yourself to like something that's not good for you 1Th 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil, 1Pt 2:11 Abstain from fleshly lusts
       (3 systems: testosterone -> Eros -> dopamine -> Romantic (agape?) -> oxytocin -> Attachment (philos/stroge) -> serotonin   


C. Don't defraud 1Thess 4”1 Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God;2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality/fornication; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.9 But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you...
Defraud: To take something from by fraud; Fraud: A deception deliberately practiced in order to secure unfair or unlawful gain.

1Cor 7:1 Now concerning the things which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman
TOYL: Bad Relationships Objective: To get my needs for_________ met through another person. First be a Friend of God=needs met

II. Contact - Group settings 

1Cor 9:22 I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. Cf Gal 6:10
Engaged/Accessible; Self-conscious vs other-centered)  2Tim 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Eye-contact; ? Smile; ? Talk  (Externals are clue to internals; “cultural” differences); aim for understanding (esp. needs, vision/values).
Evaluation/Filtering ? Rejection or Reciprocation
Encouragement ? Repeated Interaction/Relating ? Relationship (self-disclosure)

III. Commonality (Social  & Intellectual intimacy) 

cf Jesus with the woman at the well - Jn 4
Observation and Appreciation; esp. in Mutual Service [Explorer, Builder, Director, Negotiator]
Friendship (See TOYL Series on Friendship; Masquerade Ball or Mountain Climb) Valuing
Fondness/Affection Brother-Sister Relationship (want what is in the other's best interest =love)

IV. Compatibility   (Intellectual & Spiritual  intimacy)  

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
Congruent Life Purposes and Goals   Mt 6:33 Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; 28:19-20 make disciples...teaching to obey
Desire for a permanent relationship   (Can live with...Can't live without......Can't live with) [“sustain positive illusions”]
Meeting families; Counsel.

V. Creator’s will

we can't know God's subjective will for our lives unless we are obeying His objective will (Revealed in Word)
Word; Input; Logic  (Life plan, Obey Great Commission, Grow in grace, Increase usefulness to Master; Christlikeness); Leading of HS]

VI. Confirmation 

Parental Permission/Blessing (Courtship??)

VII. Communication (Spiritual & Emotional  intimacy)

Exploration and Discussion of marriage
Proposal/Engagement (Betrothal??)
Wedding and Living plans; Pre-marital counseling
Doubts and the will of God -Never doubt in the dark what you've seen in the light. Faith is not a leap in the dark but a step into the light.

VIII. Consummation (Physical intimacy) 

Kiss???   See "What's in a kiss" and then determine when it is appropriate to express what to whom.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:

1. Is it God's will that everyone be married (1Cor 7)? What are some advantages/disadvantages of being single or married?
2. If one is “asleep in the will of God” re: a spouse should they be sleepwalking in search of one?
3. Are platonic relationships possible? Shouldn't we be desiring the highest interest of all we meet irregardless of their mate potential?
4. If someone can't trust God to provide what's best when it's best, are they believing the Satan's oldest lie that God isn't good:
5. Have you committed yourself to holiness and trusting God to bring about His perfect will in your life? When did you do that?