Big Apple Chapel is a New Testament based church in New York City, modeled after the pattern of the early church, with a strong emphasis on following Christ as a community of His disciples.

  • Sunday - 10:30 am
  • 520 8th Ave, 16th floor
    New York, NY
  • phone: +1 (973) 837-1041


BAC Sermons

Family Life 6: Magic Lamp of Self-Esteem

2013-06-02 Eph 6:1-4



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I. Worth Being fearfully and wonderfully made Ps 139, & loved by God Jn 3:16, doesn't spare one from destruction in the lake of fire Rev 20:15
Righteousness=being careful to do what is right/pleasing in His sight Gen 18:19; Dt 6:25. The basis of an unshakeable self-worth is the daily decision to please God by denying our right to life and living as Christ's disciple Lk 14:33-35;Mt 5:13 salt loses its flavor...good for nothing


Enduring worth and value is not found in being created (hell) or saved ("worthless servant"), but in the daily decision to be a disciple and do the things that earn approval and esteem from the One who matters most (Well-done, good and faithful servant -Mt 25:21; Lk 19:27). Self-esteem differs from Identity ”saint/called to be holy and victorious” 1Cor 1:2; Eph 1:4; 1Pt  1:15-16; 1Cor 15:57; 2Cor 2:14 Php 4:13; 1Jn 5:4


II. 1st Train to fear and be honorable Ps 34:11 children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of YHWH 111:10 fear of YHWH is the beginning of wisdom Pr 1:7  fear of YHWH is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.  Pr 14:27 The fear of YHWH is a fountain of life, To turn one away from the snares of death. 15:33 The fear of YHWH is the instruction of wisdom, 16:6 by the fear of YHWH one departs from evil. 22:4 By humility and the fear of YHWH are riches and honor and life. Gen 22:12 Is 11:2  Ecc 12:13 1Pt 2:17


2nd Esteem them so they'll esteem themselves.  This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him! - Mt 3:17; 17:5
Gen 4:7 If you do well/right, will you not be accepted? 2Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.
Heb 13:21 equip you in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight... Col 1:10
1Jn 3:22  whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight


Accept them and their individual learning curve, Allow for mistakes and need for repetition
Competency Train...Compete/Compensate/Celebrate
Help them do what they can't do themselves; Refuse the impulse to jump in and take back responsibility
Inquire about what they're doing and why (ask questions) to build understanding and discernment
Encourage the effort & the slightest progress, REWARD, raise the bar, REWARD, then wean
Value them as well as their progress, both verbally and non-verbally
Expect their best, carefully criticize, ending on a positive note of praise and approval


III. Competency Train (see Part V: "What to Stress for Success" and “Biblical Child Training and Discipline” -next wk)
            Target: have an age and ability appropriate objective
            Review and Relate to what's already mastered (preview and REWARD)
            Attention: get them focused and free of distractions, looking with eager curiosity
            Interest: build need; sell on benefits and feasibility, keeping motivated throughout
            Numerous attempts with feedback, encouragement, and intermediate REWARDS
Seeds of Greatness,  Waitley: Self-Esteem, Creativity, Wisdom, Purpose, Communication, Faith, Adaptability, Perseverance, Perspective.
Megaskills, Rich: Confidence, Motivation, Effort, Responsibility, Initiative, Perseverance, Caring, Teamwork, Common Sense, Problem Solving
Leading a Child to Independence, McKean;  Biblical Objectives!!             Pathfinders, Sheehy. 1) My life has meaning and direction; 2) I have triumphed over trials/transitions; 3) I rarely feel cheated or disappointed by life (learned from failure); 4) I'm achieving my long term goals of a comfortable life, family security, and personal accomplishment; 5) I am pleased with my personal growth and development; 6) I am in love with my partner, and I love mutually; 7) I have many friends (deep, loyal, non-competitive, forgiving, reciprocal nourishment); 8) I am a cheerful optimist; 9) I am not thin-skinned or sensitive to criticism (intrinsic worth vs. external value); 10) I have no major fears.
The Parenting of Champions, J.R. Lucas '89. 1) Faith 2) Integrity 3) Holiness 4) Stability 5) Confidence 6) Balance


IV.             Ecstatically Celebrate their Accomplishments
                  Love them Unconditionally and Consistently
                  Envision their Future Goal Achievements
                  Believe in them (by faith if necessary)
                  Respect and Reinforce their Person and Production (The Gift of Honor, Smalley & Trent)
                  Affirm, Affirm, Advise, Affirm, Affirm
                  Talk to them as if they were the Christ-child: Take Time, Ask Questions, Listen, Keep Focused on them
                  Educate them about their future and how they'll feel (Preparing for Adolescence, Dobson.)
                  Self-Critique by their own standards so they'll be immune to the criticism of others


Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:
1. Is God pleased with how you view yourself and what you do in your obedient service of Hijm? How do you pass affirmation to your kids?
2. Can you come up with a list of thirty-one ways to communicate worth and value to your child/spouse/friend/self?
3. Make a list of the "Training Objectives" for big and small kids that you observe in proverbs; How can you implement them?
4. Reparent Yourself Accept reality- I’ve been damaged (and so has everybody else), and I don’t have to stay this way.
                  Blame appropriately - it’s my parents fault: they were damaged…they damaged me; I’ve responded incorrectly.
                  Consider causes/rationalize - they/I didn’t know any better; my grandparents are passing on the disease.
                  Decide to forgive - I please God when I forgive them as Christ has forgiven and accepted me; the sin stops with me.
                  Emphasize the positive - it’s drawn me closer to Christ and His love; it’s made me stronger with His grace.
                  Find Support - I can change as I walk in the light with other accountable disciples (belonging). Unconditional love only comes from God.
                  Grow by your Goals - I become worthy as I respond to God and become like Christ in thought and deed.
                  Help others - my stock goes up in value as I invest in others