Big Apple Chapel is a New Testament based church in New York City, modeled after the pattern of the early church, with a strong emphasis on following Christ as a community of His disciples.

  • Sunday - 10:30 am
  • 520 8th Ave, 16th floor
    New York, NY
  • phone: +1 (973) 837-1041


BAC Sermons

7 Relationship Principles: Summary



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Rm 12:18 as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all
1Cor 1:10  Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.   Gen 2:24  “2Þ1”

NEG: Harshness; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness. Stonewalling; Flooding; Short-Circuit; Reject Repair; Rewrite History
Eph 4:2 with all humility, gentleness, longsuffering, bearing with one another in love 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit bond of peace

Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice 32 be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. 5:2 walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us

Col 3:12 as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.


1. Know their: dreams, hopes, interests, fears, (emotional) needs, trials, triumphs/failures, preferences      [and serve them Mk 10:45]

1Jn 1:3 what we have seen & heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; & truly our fellowship is with Father & His Son Jesus
1Jn 1:7 if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, & the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin


2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration - positively viewing, respecting & appreciating their differences    [Thankful gratitude 1Thess 5:18]
Heb 12:14  Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord  15  looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…


3. Turn toward Each Other Instead of Away - acknowledging “bids” and orienting towards others values and affirms them
Rm 12:10  Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; (cx bitter wrath)


4. Let Your Partner Influence You - yielding and “giving in” yields respecting one another on a deeper level.
Js 3:16  where zealous defensiveness and self-seeking (putting yourself forward to gain worth and value at the expense of the common good) exist, self-destructive disunity-confusion and all worthless-evil accomplishments are there.. (BRV) 17 wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.


5. Solve Solvable (30%) communicate understanding-acceptance and build unity in removing and reducing sources of conflict
TOYL Marriage: Resolve, Remove, and Reduce Sources of Conflict SoS 2:15; 2Cor 13:11  For the rest, rejoice! Perfect yourselves; encourage yourselves, mind the same thing, be at peace; and the God of love and of peace will be with you.
     Communicate over effect and cause  “I feel X when you do/say Y”  Eph 4:25 putting away lying…speak truth…for we are members of one another.
     Out with the excess baggage*, erroneous expectations, and self-centered slop 2Cor 5:17 anyone in Christ  is a new creation; old things have passed       
     No hiding and hurling           *We need to be right; We feel superior; We dread rejection; We create drama; We cherish our anger      
     Forgive as you've been forgiven (graciously, undeservedly, permanently) Mt 6:15  if you do not forgive…neither will your Father forgive your trespasses
     Learn your lessons well or you'll repeat them in a living hell   Pr 21:19  Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious angry woman.
     Influence by your mate increases their sense of worth and value Pr 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise…
     Chose to compromise on what's right and change yourself on what's left (as a gift of love to your mate) Am 3:3  Can two walk together, unless they agree?
     Transform your filters, values, emotional responses, self-talk and tapes (parental, societal, and other) {otherwise, see "L" above} Rm 12:1-2


6.  Overcome Gridlock  Detect, Dialogue (understand and respect) Do (address) Identify, Purify/Sanctify, Satisfy as possible
Phil 2:2  fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3  Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility/lowliness of mind let each esteem others better/more important/excelling than himself. 4  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. 5  Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus

Gal 2:20  I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; 5:24  And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 6:14  But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. . Rom 6:6  knowing this, that our old man is/was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin {but servants of God see context} Rom 12:1-2


7.  Create Shared Meaning: Blended value system; Early Warning Detector; Magic Five hours
Heb 13:21(God) make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus…


Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:
1. Can we change our perspective/values/automatic emotional responses with greater insight? If not, then how  do we have different responses?
2. Is it more important to prevent destructive behaviors or build a better relationship? What if the other party doesn’t cooperate?
3. Which principles are more beneficial for church rlshps, roommates, marriage? How does “paling around” differ from fellowship?
4. What conflict have you resolved recently? What role did forgiveness and self-sacrifice play?  How do you know if you’re hiding?
5. How has this series made a difference in your relationships? Js 1:22  But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.