Biblical Principles Of Parenting & Discipline - Part 3
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Ps 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward from him.
I. Benefits of Training
A. Parental delight and peace Pr 10: 1 A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother. Pr 23:24 The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. 25 May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice! Pr 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
B. Blessing of God Gen 18:19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him." Job 5:17 "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. Pr 6:23 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life. also see Heb 12: 11
II. Consequences of Not Teaching/Training
A. Parental grief Pr 17:21 To have a fool for a son brings grief-, there is no joy for the father of a fool. 25 A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him. Pr 29:15 ... a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
III. Parents are charged by God with the task of training their children (thus it's a moral issue)
A. Fathers have the primary responsibility. Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 4 Fathers, o not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Col 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. 1Thess 2: 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
IV. How to Biblically Discipline (teach/train) Your Child
A. Train informally and formally. Dt 6:7 & 11:19 Impress (these laws) on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Dt 32:46 he said to them, "Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. Ps 34: 1 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
B. Follow our Father's model in disciplining us. (See especially Heb 12:5-11) Mt 7: 11 ... how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Ps 103:13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; Pr 3: 11 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Ps 94:12 Blessed is the man you discipline, 0 Lord, the man
C. Use the rod & reproof. Pr 29:15 The rod & reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother shame. Pr 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Pr 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him Pr 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not rod, and shalt deliver his soul from Sheol.
D. Objectives of Discipline: 1) Fulfill the parental command to discipline/train and obligation to love Pr 23; 2) Drive out folly; 3) Deliver his soul from Sheol; 4) Develop wisdom and fear of the Lord; 5) Instill respect for authority; 6) Teach responsibility through consequences; 7) Develop security in the child providing reliable order to his world; 8) Aim for a godly child, not a perfect child (knows and habitually does what God wants).
E. Why resistance to discipline: 1) Secular vs Scripture; 2) Bad childhood experiences; 3) Parent still in rebellion; 4) Parent has greater concern for pleasing child rather than God; 5) Selfish love (lust) parent wants to be liked; 6) Fail to realize that yelling (etc.) can be more damaging and permanent; 7) Fear of making a mistake; 8) Laziness Heb 2:2 every transgression and disobedience received a just recompense.
F. Why discipline doesn't appear to work: 1) Inconsistent application; 2) Parents disagree, child senses it (if Mom=no, Dad=no); 3) Strong-willed child; 4) Insufficient pain make it desirable to avoid the consequence; 5) Delay > 10 minutes (Dobson); 6) Parent has undermined respect.
G. Parents Undermine respect/authority when they: 1) Act out of unjust anger and emotional/Spirit control; 2) Let child win/control/get away; 3) Fail to consistently follow through on promises; 4) Unjustly punish; 5) Fail to respect the child as an individual; 6) Fail to love the child (child feels you’re doing what’s in their best interest…delight in them); 7) Provoke and embitter.
H. For discipline to accomplish God's objectives: 1) Father must take responsibility and initiative; 2) Must be done in EVERY case of rebellion/defiance Heb 2:2; 3) Must not be done in anger but under the control of HS in obedience to God; 4) Must be clear agreement on rules and consequences (just = 1:1 Err on side of leniency); 5) Must be done for benefit of child; 6) Must have consistent adherence and follow-through.
I. Other discipline issues: 1) Child must respect divine authority (earned consequence); 2) Take into account EXTRAORDINARY circumstances; 3) Crying vs screaming in defiance or rage; 4) Allow time for Understanding and Repentance; 5) Comfort vs confuse; 6) Accidents while disobeying = discipline; 7) Making mistakes (admit it); 8) Bad behavior, not bad child; 9) One battle at a time to win the war, don’t overwhelm.
IV. The Content of the Teaching/Training: (See also: What to Stress for Success 12/97)
Obedience Eph 6:1 ... obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Co 3:20 Pr 6:20 keep your father's commands
Malachi 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."