Eph 6:1-4 Family Life VI: The Magic Lamp of Self-Esteem BC 8/95
The basis of an unshakeable self-worth is the daily decision to please God by living as Christ's disciple. Enduring worth and value is not found in being created (hell) or saved ("worthless servant"), but in being a disciple and doing the things that earn approval and esteem from the One who matters most ("Well-done, good and faithful servant"). Esteem them so they'll esteem themselves.
Accept them and their individual learning curve, Allow for mistakes and need for repetition
Help them do what they can't do themselves; Refuse the impulse to jump in and take back responsibility
Inquire about what they're doing and why (ask questions) to build understanding and discernment
Encourage the effort & the slightest progress, REWARD, raise the bar, REWARD, then wean
Value them as well as their progress, both verbally and non-verbally
Expect their best, carefully criticize, ending on a positive note of praise and approval
Competency Train (see Part V: "What to Stress for Success")
Target: have an age and ability appropriate objective
Review and Relate to what's already mastered (preview and REWARD)
Attention: get them focused and free of distractions, looking with eager curiosity
Interest: build need; sell on benefits and feasibility, keeping motivated throughout
Numerous attempts with feedback, encouragement, and intermediate REWARDS
The Seeds of Greatness, Dennis Waitley '83: Self-Esteem, Creativity, Wisdom, Purpose,
Communication, Faith, Adaptability, Perseverance, Perspective.
Megaskills, Dorothy Rich '88: Confidence, Motivation, Effort, Responsibility, Initiative,
Perseverance, Caring, Teamwork, Common Sense, Problem Solving
Pathfinders, Gail Sheehy '81. 1) My life has meaning and direction; 2) I have triumphed over trials/transitions; 3) I rarely feel cheated or disappointed by life (learned from failure); 4) I'm achieving my long term goals of a comfortable life, family security, and personal accomplishment; 5) I am pleased with my personal growth and development; 6) I am in love with my partner, and I love mutually; 7) I have many friends (deep, loyal, non-competitive, forgiving, reciprocal nourishment); 8) I am a cheerful optimist; 9) I am not thin-skinned or sensitive to criticism (intrinsic worth vs. external value); 10) I have no major fears.
The Parenting of Champions, J.R. Lucas '89.
1) Faith 2) Integrity 3) Holiness 4) Stability 5) Confidence 6) Balance
Leading a Child to Independence, McKean '86; Excellent, Biblical Objectives!!
Ecstatically Celebrate their Accomplishments
Love them Unconditionally and Consistently
Envision their Future Goal Achievements
Believe in them (by faith if necessary)
Respect and Reinforce their Person and Production (The Gift of Honor, Smalley & Trent)
Affirm, Affirm, Advise, Affirm, Affirm
Talk to them as if they were the Christ-child: Take Time, Ask Questions, Listen, Keep Focused on them
Educate them about their future and how they'll feel (Preparing for Adolescence, Dobson.)
Self-Critique by their own standards so they'll be immune to the criticism of others
Questions for Reflection/Discussion/Response:
- How can a parent with a poor self-worth celebrate the worth of their child? Re-parent yourself (see #2 below)
- Accept reality, Blame appropriately, Consider causes/rationalize, Decide to forgive, Emphasize positive, Find Support, Grow by your Goals, Help others
- Can you come up with a list of thirty-one ways to communicate worth and value to your child/spouse/friend/self?
- What are some of the top problems you've had or observed in teens/adults? How prevent?
- Make a list of the "Training Objectives" you observe in proverbs; How can you implement them?